While I was being diagnosed with Cushing's Disease and going through months of testing, I was also training to run my first half marathon. In December of 2012, I flew to Las Vegas and ran the "Strip at Night". Keeping in the back of my mind that I could have Cushing's and I could have a pituitary tumor, I did not let that hold me back. I wanted to finish that race and prove to myself that anything is possible. I put a lot of hard work into training for the half marathon that I just couldn't let myself down.
It was just a few days after returning home that I had my MRI scan which revealed the tumor on my pituitary and once I figured this out and met with my Neurosurgeon, I knew surgery was just around the corner. I had to mentally prepare myself for this as I knew I had a long road and journey ahead of me.
The end of February 2013 is when I had my pituitary surgery and they removed the tumor. Knowing this is somewhat of a relief, but keeping in mind I will still be monitored closely.
I have been told to return back to life as if normal, although a lot easier said then done.
I registered for a number of races this summer, two which are half marathons. I did this because I want to prove to myself that anything is possible and also this gives me something to work towards. Now that I have been cleared by my doctor to return back to normal I have slowly started doing small work outs, walking and a little bit of swimming.
Yesterday, I went for my first "run" and let me tell you. It was probably the hardest thing (emotionally) for me to do. I could barely run a block without feeling exhausted. This is quiet the change considering 5 months ago I ran a half marathon.
I realize that I am still healing emotionally and physically and I have a long road ahead of me, and I also realize that things just cant change over night. This being said, I will admit this is extremely difficult to deal with. This is really upsetting for me but I do understand that its hard for others to understand as most people don't realize how hard this journey is emotionally. Physically it is exhausting and clearly everyone can see what impact it has on a person but the one thing is the emotional side. There is a lot more behind this disease that no one can see.
I am writing about this because I don't want anyone to give up on their dreams, as I will not give up on mine! I will work hard towards my goals even tho I know they may take longer then they should, I will succeed...
If your suffering from Cushing's or any other disease, or even if your healthy...
Believe in yourself and never, ever give up!
Dream big! <3
Thursday, 18 April 2013
Wednesday, 17 April 2013
Cushing's Awareness Blog Challenge 2013 - Day 17
I'm about a week behind!! I went away for the weekend and got a little side tracked with some wedding activities!! :D
Anxiety
My journey with Cushing's Disease has had many ups and downs. There were days where I didn't think I could handle it anymore, and days that seemed so easy. Well I guess truthfully no day was really "easy", I seemed to be facing some kind of battle each day. Like I have said in previous posts... In ways I am Thankful to be dealt this card. No one wants to be sick but I believe only those who can handle it are given the battle to fight.
One side effect that I have been fighting for a long time is anxiety. Some people who suffer with Cushing's Disease also suffer with anxiety.
Anxiety: Also called angst or worry, is a psychological and physiological state characterized by somatic, emotional, cognitive and behavioural components. It is the displeasing feeling of fear or concern. The root meaning of the word anxiety is 'to vex or trouble', in either presence or absence of psychological stress, anxiety can create feelings of fear, worry, uneasiness, and dread. It is also associated with feelings of restlessness, fatigue, concentration problems, and muscle tension. However, anxiety should not be confused with fear, which is more of a dreaded feeling about something which appears intimidating and can overcome an individual. Anxiety is considered to be a normal reaction to a stressor. It may help an individual to deal with a demanding situation by prompting them to cope with it. However, when anxiety becomes overwhelming, it may fall under the classification of an anxiety disorder. As mentioned earlier, anxiety can be confused with fear. However, fear is concrete, (a real danger) whereas anxiety is the paranoia of something out there that seems menacing but may not be menacing, and, indeed, may not even be out there.
I copied the above definition from the internet just so there would be a better understanding of just exactly what anxiety is. To me anxiety is one of the scariest things I deal with on a daily basis. It's something that I can not control, and trust me if I could control it... I would. It is one thing I really wish I could grab a hold of because it is something that doesn't only effect me but it effects everyone around me. The constant worrying, crying for no reason, panicking over stuff that really isn't even happening. There is no reason that anyone around me should have to deal with this.
In my process of recovering from surgery I am trying to make myself healthy again as well, eating healthy and dealing with weight loss. Anxiety is also something that I am hoping to overcome.
:)
Thursday, 11 April 2013
Wednesday, 10 April 2013
Cushing's Awareness Blog Challenge 2013 - Day 9
Understanding the Battle...
The battle has got to be the hardest part about having Cushing's Disease. Everyone around you thinks its just that easy, the tumor is gone and now everything should go right back to normal. Well NO!!! Absolutely not.. I almost feel worse ever since the tumor has been removed. I know that its going to be a long road and eventually everything will go back to normal but in time. Everything takes time and its not just going to happen over night. I'm still healing and I'm still trying to balance steroids, and when the times comes to make a change its going to take A LOT of work. A lot of determination! I am determined to make a change, to make a difference and get my life back but I just think its important for me to tell everyone that its just not that simple.
I guess this is just me letting out frustration, its frustrating when people look at me different. I don't want to look the way I do, but I got blessed with this "ugly" disease and its just something that I'm going to have to deal with.
Try, just try for one second to walk a mile in my shoes and experience everything I've been through and then tell me its easy!
Try, just try for one second to walk a mile in my shoes and experience everything I've been through and then tell me its easy!
I will get through this, I'm determined!!
I will beat Cushing's Disease but it will forever be a part of "me" and who I am.
I will show the world that just because a disease made me "ugly" doesn't mean I'm not beautiful on the inside, we're all beautiful on the inside. You just cant see it.
And trust me.. I will also show this "ugly" disease just exactly what UGLY is.
Bring it!
Monday, 8 April 2013
Cushing's Awareness Blog Challenge 2013 - Day 8
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DR. HARVEY CUSHING!!!
Today is Cushing's Awareness Day!! Wear your ribbons, cushing's colors (Blue and Yellow) and t-shirts to spread awareness about this rare disease. Get talking to anyone who will listen!
Today is not just the only day to raise awareness, everyday is a good day!
Dr. Harvey Cushing was an American neurosurgeon. A pioneer of brain surgery, he was the first person to describe Cushing's syndrome. He is often called the "father of modern neurosurgery".
To read more about Dr. Harvey Cushing please visit:
From one Cushie to another... Happy Cushing's Awareness Day!!
Cushing's Awareness Blog Challenge 2013 - Day 7
Why I'm Thankful?!
There are so many reasons why I'm Thankful for this whole experience. It is something that is going to be part of my life forever.
It's not that I'm thankful for having a disease, I am Thankful for what it has taught me. It has been about 5 months since my diagnoses and I have been on a rocky road ever since, but I have learned so much along the way. I have learned not to judge others, you never know what's happening to them underneath everything. You don't know why they look the way they do, or walk the way they walk. I have learned who truly is there and who is not. I have learned the meaning of LIFE!!!
Life is something that I think we all take for granted at some point in our lives. Its something we are so lucky to have. Everyday I am so Thankful to wake up and I am so Thankful for everything life has given me.
I'm Thankful for friends.
I'm Thankful for family.
I'm Thankful for LOVE.
I'm Thankful for life.
There is so much to be Thankful for!!
Thank You!
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